Pressing Pause

So, I'm not pregnant after our second try.  Which is... ok.  Because when I got antibiotics for the UTI, they weighed me.

O    M    G

My exact face when I saw what the nurse wrote down.

OMGOMGOMGOMG.
I can't even write the number.  I haven't told Hubs other than crying and declaring that I'm fat (he's wonderful and swears i'm not).

My Reactions

I used to keep a weight loss blog and I can't even fathom this - or how it got this bad.  To give a hint, if I had been pregnant, I would have been at risk for gestational diabetes.  As it is, the extra weight might have been affecting my fertility.  So, while it worries me that we didn't get pregnant already, I am kind of relieved that I'm not going to be the HUGE pregnant lady.

The day of the weigh-in, Hubs and I talked and decided that we are putting the baby-making on pause for December.  That will give us time to either get ready to move or decide to stay in our current place, be able to drink during the holidays, and, most importantly, lose weight.  I'm not expecting a 50 lb drop in one month, but I would like to get rid of about 15-20 lbs before we start the process again.

In other news, here are some random things:

• Ryan now has interviews at 7 different programs - Tampa, Miami, Gainesville FL, Seattle, SLC, Minnesota and New Jersey.
• I'm about to get crazy busy coordinating my coworker's wedding - so excited!
• We may have found a new place to live in Orlando (with a pool!)
• From tracking my ovulation we're starting to think I have a lazy ovary.  I've had weird/no readings on the monitor every other month since I started tracking my ovulation.  With the plan to skip December, that would have us trying in January on "wonky ovary" month - if they go back and forth.  So who knows when this will actually happen!

We'll see where this month takes us!

Because of Zygotes

(meant to post this a week ago, oops!)

...So, I think I have a UTI.  From all the "baby making."  I don't (and won't) know if I'm pregnant, my OBGYN hasn't called me back and Dr. Hubs is hesitant to prescribe me anything "because of zygotes" (no kidding, that is a direct quote).

Well, because of zygotes, I'm freaking out about the possibilities of whether I need antibiotics.

Take 2

It's that time again! (I think) I ovulated! I've been getting confusing readings on the fertility monitor.  I've had a "high" reading since last Saturday, but no peak days yet.  Of course, my cursory search of the internet shows plenty of women that had the same thing and got pregnant that month - it might just be missing the hormone.  Or I might not be ovulating... Either way, the last week was lots of fun!

Also, in this edition of Where Will We Be Raising This Baby, Ryan now has 5 interviews for a fellowship position:

Miami

Tampa

New Jersey

Salt Lake City

Rochester, MN

The holidays are coming up, which has all kinds of implications. I have a bachelorette party the Saturday after Thanksgiving that I won't get to drink at, but the bride knows. A few select people know that I'm not drinking, but it's going to be hard to hide from our families. I'm supposed to cook mac and cheese and cookies for Thanksgiving - I can only hope I won't be nauseous. Speaking of the carb-fest that is Thanksgiving, I really, really want to be the cute preggo that doesn't look knocked up from behind, but if I get pregnant now, that is SO not going to happen. I'm trying to watch what I eat and get exercise, but with the holidays and it getting dark before I'm home from work, it's tough. 

Better Luck Next Time

I had a post planned on how two negatives make a positive (maybe) because I've had two negative pregnancy tests but loads of pregnancy symptoms.

But I think I just started my period. 

Since Friday, I've been nauseous, dizzy, tired, have had a heightened sense of smell, and I had some light spotting, which I thought could be implantation bleeding. I thought that I might just be testing too early, but it appears that I'm just not pregnant.


UPDATE: Not pregnant.  Got my period today, and all the symptoms went away.  Searching the Internet revealed that lots of women have the same thing happen to them.  It sounds like fertilization happened, but implantation didn't - which happens to about 40% of fertilized eggs.

Downside: no baby.  Hubs was getting excited, and I hate for him to be disappointed.

Upside: "Heeeeeyyyyyy! We get to have more conception sex!!" - Hubs
And:

Usually on sale at ABC for $7.99!

 

WTF Digital Pregnancy Test?!

So, I've been thinking I'm not pregnant. 10 days into the 2WW and no symptoms other than bitchiness and crying easily. Could very easily be PMS.

Until today, where I've been kinda nauseous in addition. 

The nausea hit me around midday, so I made sure I had a "bladderful" when I left work. My fertility monitor came with pregnancy tests - digital ones - so, I came home and peed on it. Saw the hourglass rotating, put it in a drawer to come back to later. 

Chatted with hubs for a few minutes, then went back to look at the test...

Nothing. Blank screen. No hourglass, just nothing. 

"MOTHERF$@#%*!"

Aaaaand now I have to wait til tomorrow...

The Dreaded Two Week Wait

Well, I know for sure the monitor is working!  This past Friday, I got a "high" reading, then Sunday, I got this:

Of course, Ryan was out of town all weekend, but we did manage to get in some "quality time" Friday before he left and Sunday when he got back.

So, now, I'm in what's referred to at the Two Week Wait (or, 2WW or TWW).

It sucks.

Take my anxiety problems, add in the fact that this is something I CANNOT control, multiply times a million.

Can I drink? (Probably shouldn't)  Do I have pregnancy tests? (Yup)  Should I exercise? (Maybe avoid hot yoga - not that I've been in months, thank you FL summer) Was that twinge I just felt implantation? (No)

Am I going nuts?

YES.

Luckily, I got the same reading on the monitor this morning, so I'll be jumping Hubs again when I get home, just to make sure.  Which at least gives me something to do besides wonder.

When I got to work this morning, I Googled "Two Week Wait" and got some helpful links:

• Am I Pregnant? What NOT to Do During the Two Week Wait
• Surviving the 2 Week Wait
• Early Pregnancy Tests: Weeks 1 - 4

Apparently there are whole forums devoted to the TWW!  Nice to know I'm not alone in my anxiety!!

Next update in approximately two weeks!

Updates in Ovulation and Places to Live

So, I didn't ovulate last month.

At least that's what the fertility monitor says.  And, I didn't experience any symptoms that would lead me to think that I did, so boo.  Obviously it's way, WAY too early to freak out over this.  But still.  Not real happy about it.  We were in San Francisco at a conference when the monitor quit asking me to pee on sticks.  I came back to bed and cried while Ryan told me that it was ok, and that the monitor just didn't like me :)

I did find out that I have a 22 day cycle, which is shorter than most.  So I probably ovulate around day 6-10.  If the monitor doesn't have me peeing on sticks by day 6 (in just a few days), I'm jumping hubs no matter what.  He certainly won't mind, and at least I'll know that I tried!


We also have an updated list of possible places to live.  Since applying to 10 places is the same price as the 7 or so that he actually wants to go to (yes, we have to pay to apply, pay to go there, and pay for the exams he'll need to take before. Awesome.), there are 10 possibilities now:

 

 

In order of my preference:

1. Tampa, FL
2. Gainesville, FL
3. Nashville, TN
4. Chicago, IL
5. Miami, FL
6. Rochester, MN
7. Salt Lake City, UT
8. New Brunswick, NJ
9. New York, NY
10. Boston, MA

I don't think Hubs has a clear choice right now - he's just concentrating on where ever will let him in.  I'm sure he'll have his pick; he's a smart one!


Finally, I think I have gotten it through my head that I'm far too overweight to contemplate being pregnant right now.  At least, I know I am so out of shape that I would never survive labor at the moment.  So diet and exercise start right now.  Even though PMS tiredness just about killed me last week, and I did nothing but go home and sleep after work, I'm turning over a new leaf this week. I am eating better (no more excuses!) and the only way I am going to catch up on TV is if I am on my stationary bike.  I want to be a cute preggo, not mistaken for just being fat!